So finally recovering from my life the last few weeks, while yelling at my cat "though shalt not eat my fitbit!"    Yep, multitasking, it's what I do.  My husband and I have decided to move to the country, so we're looking for a place we can afford with elbow room from the neighbors, a game room, a craft space, and room for some farm critters.  Some place with character, but that won't entail major renovations (read that $$).  At the same time, we took the boys to Boston for a game convention and sight seeing, and visited family and did more sight seeing on the trip home.

 It was wonderful, and exhausting.  And our current house is still not clean.  I'm pretty sure no one wants to buy our dirty house.  They might want to if it were clean, but the cat's didn't clean it while we were gone.

I've also got a busy field season brewing at work, some big projects for me, an employee to supervise, and lots of fun stuff to do.  Still haven't had time to go fishing myself yet this month/year/...  My brain hurts just thinking about all the work to do, so I don't think about it at home.

This weekend, I still didn't clean the house, but went to a retreat for my people.  Josh has gamers, I have fiber/knitters/spinners and other crazy cat lady types.  It was wonderful, and overwhelming, and fun.

 I learned new things, learned how to do old things better, met new people, was inspired, over and over and over again, and I've got some ideas for what I might like to do for my retirement.  Twenty years out, got to plan for it!  So the small fiber farm plays a part, that will take time to build, but I'm also thinking some sort of artsy wearable art- fun, functional, warm, pretty.  MaggieKnits was there, what a character!  I liked the concepts of what she does, but I would do it in a different way.  And may someday, for fun, for my friends, for my people.  Maybe even for money to feed the critters.

Choosing Happiness

Every day, I make a conscious effort to choose to be happy about me, my work, and my life.

 I fell out of my chair at work yesterday- leaning over to pick up a piece of rice cake that fell on the floor. It turns out that a hungry dieter and a chair on rollers and a mat are not a good combination. It's funny. I hurt, but it's funny. Rather than whine about the sore elbow, shoulder and hip, and the fact that I'm still hungry, and haven't lost any weight, I'm choosing to be happy about this. It livened up my morning, I burned a few extra calories picking myself up off the floor and righting my chair, and I made my husband laugh when I told him about my day last night.

 I've struggled with depression most of my life, which means I've met a lot of well meaning counselors, but this thing sticks with me- you get to choose how you react. You don't get to choose how other people react, and your initial reaction may be instinctual, but ultimately, you get to choose your mood, your outlook, and the actions you take in response. I choose to be happy. To look on the bright side. To find the learning experience. And to let other people's negativity go.

 Our shared secretary chose to vent on me in a really rude, public, and uncalled for way the other day. Rather than respond in kind, I got back to work. I was upset, but had other things to concentrate on, so I did. I set it aside to deal with later. I thought about it that night, played the scenarios in my head. Wouldn't it be fun to tell her that the reason I didn't communicate with her about the work I left on her desk, was that she wasn't there (as usual), and I was busy, didn't notice when she got back from making her gossip rounds to go talk to her about it. And that if she spoke to me that way again, I would put a note in her personnel file. Oh, how satisfying that would be. And un-productive. Instead, when I got to work the next day, I decided she must have just had a rough day the day before, and I let it go, pretended all was well. We're not back to normal, but at the end of the week we are communicating about work things and exchanging pleasantries. And that makes me happy.


 My goals for this year:

 Find my inner skinny me again. It was easier to be happy when she was visible. She was fit, and didn't hurt so much. She could do things, and enjoy them. This will be work, more dieting (more rice cakes, fewer chocolate dipped macaroons). And more exercise- starting with a walk around the block today. If I take a dog or two, this will be fun too.

 Get out of this house, move to the country. Find a place to breathe, have some critters, room for the boys to explore their passions, and good internet for my husband to connect with his gaming community. I like our old house, but it's short on storage space, and the kitchen has four doors, two windows, and NO counter space. And every surface in our kitchen is designed to retain and show dirt- nasty old tile floor, faux brick finish on the walls, dry old wood that hasn't been refinished in forever. My skin crawls just thinking about the crud stuck in that room, which is why my dear sweet husband does most of the cooking. This goal requires fiscal responsibility- continuing our saving habits, continuing to pay off our credit cards and the silly things my husband bought on company credit (how much is the interest rate on that computer??? that we still owe $$$ on two years later??????). It means not buying another roomful of fiber and yarn, even though I really want to. Must have all the pretty colors. Sigh, perhaps I should just use what I have and learn how to make all the pretty colors myself... Yeah, that would be smarter. And fun.

 Be happy. To continue to choose the lighter side of life. I married a wonderful man who vowed to make me laugh every day, and he does. I come off as a bit Pollyanna at times, but I can live with that. I don't want to be the bitter, spiteful, crankypants person that my instincts would sometimes have me be. I'm choosing a different path through life, on purpose, every day.

Courage

Courage comes in so many shapes, colors, amounts, and geomorphic forms. Some days courage is getting out of bed without stretching my foot first. Somedays it's driving a big boat up river between two dams, hoping like heck the motor that was acting up yesterday is running well today. Yesterday, it was telling someone I care about that I needed them in my life. Until I said it, I wasn't aware of the need, but there it was, and it was true. Scared me. I'm often described as fiercely independent. I bristle at the offer of help, doggedly keep going to finish something myself rather than ask for help, risking exhaustion, injury, but preserving the pride. But there is someone I need. Sometimes courage is speaking without thinking, realizing the truth of the unconscious thought, and enjoying the resulting growth of life and soul.

Blackberry season

It's blackberry season here in the north woods. They grow wild around the edge of my yard, and try to take over by putting up sprouts in the way of the lawnmower. I've picked three quarts so far, by sliding my way in between the stickers, climbing under canes, stepping carefully to avoid the unripened fruit in amongst the grass, and keeping a careful eye on the kitten to make sure she's just chasing snakes, not fruit! It's an itchy challenge, but so worth it for the jam.

Go with your strengths

Someone once told me you have to go with your strengths, so obvious, but not always easy to do... Especially when you're not really sure what your strengths are. I can see other peoples, but not my own. Things grow in my garden, but they don't flourish. So even though I enjoy gardening, probably not a strength. I don't have the money to make my house look like a makeover magazine, well, other than the before pictures. But I've made careful choices, so it looks okay. But I lack the patience to make sure the paint is perfect, and catch all the dust bunnies.

Strengths I'm aware of : baking, editing, listening, appreciating the little things that make my days pretty and interesting. Today, it was another berry basket full of blackberries from the yard, acquired with the company of the kitten.

Other strengths :hopefully my job, although I'm better at some parts than others. Poking the bear.

Not good at making other people happy. Hence the title of this blog.